Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Time to Blog Intro Welcome to Life Through Mosaic Eyes

 I decided to write a little, since we The Mosaics have had this blog up for a while now.  I also  decided to make it more defined and public, for clarity' sake. It has become allot I have written, in this "Intro"which is usually the case as "self -editors" add too instead of taking away,  regarding Intro's  and purpose..hmm

Most all The Mosaics a group I live with have to say public about Multiplicity or what people commonly have  known as MPD  now called DID can be found on our shared You tube channel.The Mom Series ~ The Misunderstanding of Multiplicity 

This is where we each share some of our life experiences, together and history, along with the  following  of all "media portrayals" depicting Multiplicity.  However many members of the Mosaics do not VLOG public on video and feel more comfortable writing, weather in poetry or in their own personal Essays, commentary or journals paper or computer.

This is an attempt to share/ blog and bring some of their thoughts  with mine past and present  into one place finally so they can use their individual names and write in their own voice's. This attempt began on Myspace and since nobody can access Blogs  without aqquirng viruses that kill PC's, and brains The Mosaics have moved. I kinda like my house space here,been decorating, see.. Nice  & Cozy looking , huh?

 So the purpose of following "media  portrayals " on our shared You tube channel is all  about the power media has to influence consciously and sub-consciously the masses, thus  what people believe eeks on in.  No matter what convictions we have, basic creeds we all choose as core beliefs, media is always leaking here and there. What is represented in books, TV, Movies , Docudrama's, Interviews ,Radio and TV and' true accounts' The Mosaics review  for the explicit purpose of looking at common misconceptions, myths , folklore and controversies in Psychiatry, among Theologians and among' lay people'  due to  stereotypical depictions. These myths creep in  to other Multiples beliefs as well.

These misconceptions often  perpetuate the negative, adding mysterious, phenomenon,  or "horrific"psychotic",  Sci-Fi and criminal aspects and"disordered", negative  behaviors, more often,  extremely rare, not at all typical with folks who experience life plural. 

Living Plural presents challenges,  yes , this is true. With the proper tools though, and  organizational skills,  with commitment to responsibility, emotional genuineness, health and understanding, life can be more full and usually empowering and  is healthy when being authentic  - Admittedly getting to this place can have its disorganized moments, looking  and feeling more awful and  times and disordered or what I like to call "quirky moments".

While there is much myth, much folklore in Hollywood made depictions, it can be even more  heavy laden  where "Experted"  advice  is given and theory abounds. From Doctors who are considered Researchers and Pioneers  specializing in the field of Psychiatry, giving their  knowledge about Multiplicity  as they perceive it to be, it can sounds down right silly at times. Some Theologians can make it sound downright diabolical, in need of Deliverance-Their brand of deliverance, as they offer to assist God in fixing you!

Some claim "Expertize"  for having met and "treated   several"multiples" and the group or System individuals  explored"  or "diagnosing" people as such, have  made themselves "Experts". Usually all this 'expert advice' complicates more by trying to explain too carefully  who Multiples  are, in a " cookie cutter" fashion  encouraging Multiples to  go in search of abuse , trauma,  the abusers, the  specific incidents, thus the cause, then blame, then make peace with all that has happened revealed and  then fix what exists well by taking away, or  "Integrating" into what at times sounds  more like fairy tales to get to. 

This is all done while simultaneously blaming abuser, and abused , for behaviors once they  accept  their anger,explaining  there is no longer NEED for multiples or patients minds to  keep a created Person or "alter"a "coping mechanism" while claiming  and making sense of it, as Survival skills and brilliant ,then calling it a 'Disorder'. Again, did you hear that? It becomes  a "disorder to cope and survive to  continue  developing this way wrong,  further creating why we each exist, Psychiatry and Theologians assign roles , jobs  and  once your  sole purpose has been assigned making clinical or spiritual sense of  You  authenticated, validated   and your function,  being told "your no longer needed" so "to be whole , to be healthy, functioning you must "Integrate"

These experted Doctors and Scholars of the Spiritual who are believers in Multiplicity for many years have taught and continue to teach  upcoming Doctors and Ministers to look for these said "prototypes " or "alters" with said functions in a Group, when a pt is multiple or now called DID.  This  has proven to be not helpful.

There are many Multiples who have believed what they were told by"experts" to be, and even believed what they read in books, or saw on TV describing their life , such as depictions of "Three Faces of Eve" and "Sybil" , Life time Movies ," One Life To Live" Soap Operas", then adjusting their reality to be  a "CORRECT MULTIPLE "or  "good patient", good Church member, instead of defining truthfully who they are.

Weather commentary is from a person diagnosed Multiple or with DID  known as Dissociative Identity Disorder, once called Multiple Personality Disorder or  a person, who experiences their life as  with "More then One" "soul or body presence" with or without going on record or seeking therapy, it still all matters  to us The Mosaics.
In all these areas there remains  a constant - ' Life as more then one, in a single body shared,  adds up healthier negotiating,  +communicating,+ respecting + sharing.
 There also remains a constant cycle to this experience, like a washing Machine or Dryer spinning about  with' controversy and diversity'  round and round always it all goes, agitating and  sometimes cleansing, wearing out or shrinking.

The diversity is key for each person or  considered "alter" to some makes  the difference in the fabric woven. Each group has  unique experiences which  are worthy of telling. This is our blog of expereinces. 

"Life Through Mosaic Eyes", is individual and collective blog or "shared dialog blog".You may see The Mosaics talking 'in text' back and forth in this share dialog blog,  at times in comment too and for many here this is very healthy. Weather considered "internal dialog","conflict problem solving" or "negotiations" or" commentary" or the Peanut Gallery to nausea, were opening the Gallery and you may find, were not so different then you, it  may helps you to open up  your life to see with new eyes many perspectives.This is the hope.

We began vlogging before the show' United States of Tara' began on Show Time. Executive  Produced by Stephen Spielberg , developed Pilot and Co produced  with writer Diablo Cody( Brooke Busby). The Show, while sensationalized we all feel still offers a positive in  development, by offering opportunities for dialog and understanding, so we vlog of its happenings.

US of  Tara  introduces us to "Tara - Crane- Gregson" a women, in her mid to late 30's who  has been diagnosed DID after having to drop out of College due to being raped. So for 17 +years her and her family have lived with understanding at times and not understanding "Tara World"  How "Tara" the group or "alters" gets on  with family, friends, Employers, Neighbors coping with each other daily  seems  to be the premise.

  The Show  aired in 2009 and was in development from -2007
. The original idea was Kate Capshaw', actress and Stephen Spielberg's wife, along with Stephens Spielberg's, as they pondered the many  public personas 'and versions of SELF and "roles" we all need to present ourselves as to get through a day!

Stephen Spielberg, has said we all have "versions of self  and were all a little multiple" we use  roles daily to live"  (paraphrased)  in Premiere clip Interview. And  Mr. Spielberg  is right we all do, and he does understand DID , Multiplicity and being Multiple is not just playing roles, he also sees, its somewhat normal, so pitched the idea to have Diablo Cody,  develop a  Pilot, and Executive produce the Show long before "Juno" was out or Diablo Cody  had Oscar"Juno" success.

Diablo Cody and developers and Co -producers  have had  Dr. Richard P Kluft considered a   World renowned Psychiatric Pioneer in the field of Multiplicity  on hand as well as 'Medical Script Consultant', for 4 of  Episodes in 2009, the same 4  that Leah Peterson  ,"Special Script Consultant"  advised on, as well as Dr Collin Ross,( another experted  and very controversial pioneer).  So the same 4 episodes in Season 1 of  2009, influenced by Dr Richard P Kluft , Dr Collin Ross and Leah Peterson. Plus  1 Episode in Season 2 Leah alone consulted on.

  Dr  Richard P Kluft  also lent  a Historical  overview and Informational Video with "info" links at Show- time website  for" Understanding DID"   Leah Peterson in Season 2 offered   Show- time a brave and informational video on how she came to be a  'Special  script consultant' and her own story of  learning of being DID and Living with DID .

Even though Show time announcers  said "Meet the True  face behind Tara"  before Leah's  interview,Leah has made clear the show is  and was never based on her or any one Multiples experience. 

Leah is a avid  very well  loved ,generous blogger, for Mental health advocacy and Artist ,a Mom and wife,who has had her fair share of  mixed diagnosis and  suffering . Her most recent  added the diagnosis of  DDNOS, Dissociative Identity 'Disorder Not  Otherwise Specified'-(meaning  she dissociates to a degree found in DID or some in Multiples  but  does not meet the category  criteria in the DSMIV (the Bible of Psychiatric conditions and codes)strong enough  to be considered  DID or Multiple but suspect.

Later, though Leah  did get a dx of DID, after self- reporting she was ' with others' and had been molested as a young child  so began writing a book of her experience, and blogged  which she  explained in her interview  for "Tara  Show-Time" Season 2


Leah  has written she  consulted to a extent on the Shows when asked  topical questions, of "her experience" and admits, the final say  was always of course up to three lead writers and even if the Show is sensationalized, or not always accurate to her own experience or most folks experience's, it still creates dialog  with the hope to decrease stigmas  even when not correct. After long debates on this, and strong feelings, between Mosaics and many Multiple groups with Leah, most Mosaics   have to agree  with Leah on this does generate "talk" or, "awareness".  And yes even the over dramatized , creates opportunity to clarify if nothing else and does generate  more  dialog opportunities for  more understanding of a vast population of  Multiples  and Life to the Show  as those who are Multiple respond in this we respond... as many Multiples do!

   "US of Tara, Diablo Cody in Interviews  stated , the Show is  always done with sensitivity  in mind to a population of people  who live very hard lives to begin with, who have already been hurt and suffered enough, hopefully bringing understanding with humor. The show is not meant to be educational ,yet it is hopefully breaking new ground and  if it relieves stress  and educates along the  way great!.(paraphrased)

In  'ROOTED IN REALITY Diablo Cody said that she and the Writers  have  consulted many  views, blogs , vlogs and  have said they base each show  on some portions of factual "case studies" which can be  found in Medical Journals or on Internet and they have Medical Consultants on hand always, to back up what is being written.
Christina Cannarella  gave Medical  script consult on 2 episodes in 2009.

So this is what we do in spare time of writing Poetry, reading, promoting  writers and commenting on writes.  We run a channel on You tube .We do  some website and graphic work,  we make videos to launch websites and  EXPRESS.  We free lance help maintain or write grant proposals for some Non-Profit causes we find needful to the Community..all volunteer.

About US- 
The Mosaics
We use to go by the name Mosaic Gang. We since see ourselves as a family,loyal,  a very loving  family, so just go by The Mosaics or Mosaic Household.

 There is another group known on Internet who has great support resources to folks with DID or Multiple  suffering -with the name Mosaic  in their System Name, who go by 'Mosaic Minds' This is not us! They have a wonderful large website advocating  for  support for plurality,  with collaborating multiple groups and resources , again Not us!  We have had the name Mosaic in our group  System name since 1987, blogged ,collaborated and  been advocates, still not us! The name Mosaics was chosen when we all were doing common hobbies in art,  looking for commonalities amongst us, many agreeing that we  liked collages , scrap booking, making Mosaics and decoupaging.
When we took this name in 1987 it was and still is popular  thought amongst  some Psychiatric Professionals, its useful to name a persons better personalize and understand and validate it.

We  -The Mosaics, who were diagnosed  with MPD in 1986 were  extensively evaluated, before that, during and after with all other mixed diagnosis 'ruled out' over and over and have lived in a large group since, same location in Therapy.  At times  emotionally very healthy , at times not very healthy Most often, when the group is not doing well, it is because the body is  physically ill which does cause changes in emotional health of  most non multiple people as  well, which is what this group is made up of PEOPLE. 

Now and for a long while  now  living co-consciously, we have honored each other
 ,  giving understanding where needed, recognizing we are each vital needed to remain present sharing to live well. 

 Season 3 of" US of Tara" has begun and we are continuing to recap episode by episode  The Episodes& Seasons of Tara! While doing this we encourage others on You Tube to come out and blog discuss  their experiences as they can and many have been empowered by doing this ! For this,  going public has been worth it, most times. It all still remains difficult though for we do run into those trying to "fix us" and  sympathize and prey having preconceived ideas of multiplicity  that  we are  vulnerable or "unaware." Its always interesting when folks find out were not unable to think  as reasoning humans do with great memory skills and awareness for details.

Why most all of the Mosaics love "United States of Tara" , even when inaccurate:
"The United States of Tara" is  a Dark Comedy with  the main theme, LOVE is  healing of  all misbehavior's and Love &and forgiveness does win in this Show eventually.. usually after one too many crisis's , involving Tara and group or "alters" irresponsible bad   behavior! Even if it  the forgiveness comes in the finale of a painful, bizarre  Season..Love comes.  

And weather Loves  is shouted from the rooftops or not by Seasons finale  or should by chance hang over a cliff..,if you look , listen close enough you can still see  Love is in between each line written of every episode and every motive played out by every character ,even when there is seemingly unwarranted  anger, the writers bring good motive   This Show does  balance eventually. The seemingly unacceptable behaviors  among Tara and group bow to  Love, still  reigning. 

Always US of  Tara brings  great doses of humor and plenty of dysfunction from all characters to pass around outside of Tara and the "alters" . We get to see it is not always "sick one"  or "Ones"  at fault and causes audience to have a "ah ha , um duh , yeah, me too" moment. Many"normal  folks"  can see themselves in these situations , if they are to be honest.

What makes this family portrayed endearing to Mosaics is they do know what functional is! Really they do know that they live mostly  in a way traditionally considered  "dis-functional" and " crazy" and  they continue to strive for health even when they muck it all  up. If they thought they were truly "healthy" as they are  all the time, well then that might be very  hard to watch for a even  truer pathology would be displayed.  The "Gregson's" really do get the difference, along with all their shortcomings and strengths!

"Tara"the main character, played by Toni Collette,  is a dynamic actress ,playing all "Alters"  or people. So far  there is "Alice", "T" , "Buck", "Gimmie", "Shoshana", Chicken" "College Tara"and possibly a new alter, yet to be exposed so**** MAYBE SPOILER ****named "JUSTICE"  and  I am sure more. "Tara"is married to"Max" played by John Corbett the overly  understanding,  sexy, supportive,  and very exhausted, explosive  loving husband & Father.

Tara's Sister "Charmaine" played by Rosemary DeWitt, is central to this Shows main dynamic ,  acting as "skeptic " for the audience ,in denial  of her Sisters Multiplicity on surface. When we first meet  "Charmaine"  she fluctuates  belief in Tara having a group, playacting and yet often chooses to believe when convenient to her own needs. She is the most intriguing character to me. The Sibling who is considered just okay enough to be "okay normal" and who found a different means to cope with abuse. 

 While Tara and Charmaine are close in vicinity living near one another and close as Sisters, there is tension always that is telling.

Tara and Max 's teenage Son "Marshall" played by Kier Gilchrist, offers often a "voice of reason and compassion" in the family, adding more diversity too by exploring his sexuality openly as well.  "Marshall remains supportive of everyone and  I feel is more like his Dad then he realizes.

" Kate",  Max and  Tara's  oldest,daughter played by Brie Larson, often is stressed and 'acting out ' when we firat meet her embarrassed over her Mothers condition,  or "alters" behavior, and analytical of them  while also using  Mom and group as excuse for her own poor decisions. "Kate also knows how to push Mom Tara's buttons to see who she wants  in the group.  The love /hate .. Mother /daughter  cycle at times played out to extremes has been hard to watch for Mosaic Moms here and I feel "Kate" is more like her Mom then she realizes.
.We see" Kate"  wanting to be close to her Mom and then "Tara's" Gang of "alters" too befriending and distancing herself, gaining independence best she can.

  The Mosaics You tube channel,uses this Show as a vehicle, or launching pad  to talk about examples of topics  people are afraid to speak honestly of,  for fear of being misunderstood , many  may not understand regarding living plural in a shared single body. We talk about all  we are comfortable to share inviting viewers too also. The media and our lives, we talk of and  how past depictions and current continue to effect us and  we speak  of other Multiple groups too, who have given us permission to share their experiences who cannot at this time be public.

There are many multiples, still 'in the closet' and this is  of course a individual decision for all to be public or private. There are many to consider  when Multiple , good reasons  for weighing on all sides.  There are many who have been so profoundly misunderstood when attempting to be  out to gain understanding and genuinely  being themselves , causing terrible consequences in their lives they wish to not experience again or that are  irreversible.

Some have been so misunderstood, them  and their families more  harmed then supposed original  abuse or trauma some Dr's claim make  Multiples , they have  run back to closets.
It took till this body was 48 to be OUT public in journal. Though we have been out since day 1 of dx to Employers of past, friends , loved ones and family, some still never knew us. Not really. The body is 51 now and will be 52 in May- For us , it makes sense to be out.

Season 1 was hard to watch for me and many Mosaics. 
The Mosaics  who participated in review were (myself Astrid),Maria, Me Maria, Margo, Tiea, Mt, Johanna, Celi, Marty, Toni), Jade, Manassah, & Darby. They  all spoke out allot on common errors and sensationalism in the Show that add to misconceptions. 

Season 2 was  a bit better and our channel had a glitch and 1 through 11 plus  of our Review videos m were deleted in editing as  trying to delete 1 video a page of videos deleted, this happened as we edited the finale Review... We have since gone back and recapped
Season 3 I am  really happy and looking forward to.(I think by far will be the best), so far, Others here and there, for there  are many do not care for TV or  what others think  of them or what  a Show at all ever says of how they came to be or exist, so do not participate.  
With the Mosaics the Majority always rules and the  main "co running" folks ,who  have greater influence using the body most often too Still all who do not come out as much or remain as some call "Insiders" are considered.

 The Show continues to develop new characters, offering new dialog, with Eddie Izzard playing "Taras" and groups Psyche College Prof, "Dr Hattara's" as  "Tara &group" returns to finish  Tara's College degree. He is wonderful and in Psychiatric circles would be considered a"non-believer" discounting Tara and group all together as "jink pop Psychology". This will help Tara and group define themselves even better, instead of allowing others  especially  Psychiatry  to define them and look for creative ways to "get organized"
We see this beginning in Episode 4' end  promo as Tara tries  to formulate  government positions, making sense of the group, declaring herself King, divining the Unites Sates of Tara.

We the Mosaics have had a' Mosaic Creed', in effect since  1989..that is evaluated and adjusted at group meetings..This is also considered  healthy to have  not so much a list of rules , but "dos"

Frances Conroy stars as "Sandy" Max Gregsons, eccentric, hoarder, phobic Mom and we get to understand  Max  a little more and maybe the "Laws of Attraction" as well and what led him to Tara and gang.

Things I still want to know  in the Show
I am looking forward to knowing more of  Mr Hubbard, the Gregsons neighbor who killed himself, why "Alice"  dressed as ' wife mourning' his death, and if it was her or who that felt his bed, lovingly after his death and why there was a portrait of him in Taras art room.
I want to know more about, Tara and Charmaine's Half -brother Bryce and if Tara's Father is really having dementia or convenient lapses and  confessions of memory.
I want to know if Tara at one time lived in the Hubbard Home, if possibly Mr Crane had his  ex wife living near by.

I also want to know  more about Mimi, Tara and Charmaine's Foster Mom(babysitter) and the second and first Mrs Cranes relationship to her

I want to know what happened to Kate and Tara Comic Princess friend in Season 2 ,if she was multiple or not.
 I want to know how Pammy is doing from Season 2 and if she is pregnant,with Max's baby, cauz I think that would be kewl
And I want to know why" Alice " who has wanted to have a baby so much and even believed herself to be pregnant when out using the body,had such a strong reaction when Charmaine Tara's pregnant Sister invites her to feel the baby kick, why she left

My name is Astrid I am whats considered a "alter" to many  regarding Multiple Groups or people with DID or MPD. I am a person, you can see I think:) just 1 here in a group of many thinking, writing and breathing people, it is really this simple.
Onward with blogging then.

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